waking up

My favorite version of me is the one that gets up at 6am, exercises, showers, eats a big breakfast, practices my Spanish, and gets a good productive start on the day. It's been very difficult to come up with that version lately.

I've been dreaming a lot, which I like. But I'm in a phase that occasionally happens, where I actually feel held hostage by my dreams. They're so detailed and complex, I really want to find out how the story ends. I end up making myself go back to sleep instead of getting up and being productive, just so I can see what happens in the dream. Once I have been in this phase for a couple of days or a week, it starts to really frighten me. What I'm basically letting my brain say to me is that my dreams are more interesting than my real life, and I'd rather stay there. I remember times in high school where my dreams were so vivid that sometimes I'd be actually participating in real life but under the assumption that it was also part of my dream. I began to have a hard time figuring out what the line between the two was. I think I'm always a little bit scared that I might go back to that, if the dreams get so out of hand.

And I don't agree with my brain. My life is interesting and wonderful. My dreams are a fascinating magical story, but even when I'm in them I realize it's just a story. I have been lucky to have resolution dreams, where I'm visited by someone who has died or is no longer in my life and we're able to say goodbye to each other. And I'm thankful for those, but I still would choose my actual life over my dreams.

It's just hard to make that choice when you're cozy under the blankets in a wonderful bed, and the option is to put your bare feet on a cold floor and wake up. But do you hear me brain? I'm ready to wake up again!

Chicago Noises

I woke myself up at 4 this morning because of a bad dream. I managed to talk the dream into having a different outcome than it originally did, but it still took me a while to go back to sleep. As I was lying there trying to sleep I heard a group of people on the street yelling/singing at the top of their lungs the "Part of Your World" song from the Little Mermaid. It's always amazing to me how loud people are willing to be in a residential area at that time of night. After finishing that song they moved into other songs from musicals, but I had a harder time recognizing them. Eventually they dispersed, and I fell asleep and had a better dream. Another dream with a parade. This one had stilts, people on stilts, and also horses on stilts drawing carriages way up in the air.

Snow Dreams

Last night we watched Ed Wood, which is a movie about a very bad Hollywood director. So last night the first dream I remember was about being a director of a really bad show. I think it would have been bad anyway, but no one was following what I said, even though I was the director. I was just as glad to wake up and get out of that situation.

The next dream I remember had snow. We were in Vermont at my parents', and there was snow up to the windows of the first floor. Even in the kitchen, where the windows are much higher off of the ground. Lots of people were in the driveway trying to shovel a path out, but it seemed fairly impossible to me. Even if they could lift it, where would they put the snow?

Luckily it's a gorgeous day here, with no sign of precipitation.